The End

As I mentioned, I have been dating a Domme and things were going well since the end of September. From the beginning we discussed limits and interests in various kinks. She knew I desired a monogamous relationship and that I had a hard limit of ever including other men in our activities. She voiced no objection and stated she understood and agreed. We spent a lot of time together in those three months and became very involved physically and emotionally. I believed I had finally found THE ONE.

A week ago she informed me she had special plans for "us" on New Year's Eve. She kept the details to herself other than telling me to keep the day and evening open, to pack a bag, and gave a list of the things she wanted me to bring. To say I was excited would be an understatement.

Last night she informed me that we were visiting a male Dom, female submissive couple's home and that several male and female submissives would be there. She had plans on "using" several of the male and female submissives sexually and expected me to participate. Given our previous discussions, I was stunned.

I reminded her that this was a hard limit for me and that she was well aware of this. She patted my cheek, smiled condescendingly and informed me that she was in control and that she was helping me "push past" this ridiculous barrier I had established. When I told her I would not, she informed me I would then sit and watch as she "used those who are the real submissives" and that I would then have an object lesson in how I should behave. After informing her this would not be the case and that I would no longer see her if she could not hold to her original agreement of a monogamous relationship, she laughed and again patted my cheek and told me that I was "too far gone to let go of (her) now. I know you are fully under my control and cannot break away from me."

After informing her that her choices were forcing me to end our relationship, I drove her home, saw her to the door, and turned to leave. As I walked down the sidewalk she called after me telling me that I would come crawling back, that no real submissive man would turn their back on a Domme like her.

It struck me as I drove away that I'd rather have a pure vanilla relationship with a woman who loves me, totally and completely giving up my kinks, than to have a relationship with a woman who doesn't respect my limits or love me in the way I love her.

Kink means nothing without love and respect.

First Date

It's been a month since my last post and I've been busy. My stress level has decreased significantly and I'm happier than I have been in a long time. I knew hypnosis was powerful but I never expected life could be this good as a result.

Two weeks ago I was at a party and I met a very engaging woman. Right away I knew she was dominant. She may not be kinky - it's too soon to know - but she is extremely self-assured and has a way about her that encourages people to acquiesce to her wishes. We exchanged numbers and I called her a few days later to ask her out. She immediately and gracefully took over the conversation, suggesting a restuarant and even the day.

Saturday evening I rang her doorbell, a little nervous but very excited. She is a beautiful woman but it was more than that. That easy self-confidence and intelligence are incredibly enticing and I was anxious to get to know her better. When she opened the door I admit for a minute I became a typical guy. My eyes roved over her body. She laughed and placed a finger under my chin, lifting it to her eyes. Beautiful green expressive eyes. "Look later, I'm starving now!"

The remainder of the evening was enchanting. We talked and laughed, just enjoying one another. She had this habit of placing her hand on mine when she was about to interrupt me. It didn't take long until it was automatic to stop whatever I was saying or doing when her hand touched mine. It was her signal and I knew it.

At the end of the evening, I walked her to her door. I started to lean down and kiss her, but her hand touched mine and I automatically stopped. She took my face in her hands, ran her tongue teasingly over my lips before she kissed me. With a soft laugh, she opened the door and stepped inside.

I think I'm already hooked.

Preparing The Man

Have you ever noticed how easily a beautiful dominant woman can twist a man around her finger? One laughing comment and he's willing to change so many things. Especially when he knows she is right.

I mentioned how stressed I'd been lately. I had planned to listen to some relaxation MP3s but I never found the time. Because of all the rushing trying to get everything done before my boss has a coronary, I've become even more stressed than I was the other day. I mentioned this to Lady Julia tonight. I had called Bill to check on him and she laughingly pulled the phone away from him and informed me she was disappointed with me. Even when she is teasing, that makes me feel terrible to hear that. When I asked what she meant, she replied that she was disappointed that I hadn't been taking better care of myself by putting my emotional health as a priority. "How are you going to serve that Dominant woman you're seeking if you don't keep yourself ready?" She said that in a half serious-half teasing tone but it hit me hard. She went on to say that I should take time to take care of myself because I should be important to myself first. That's true too.

I never really considered that not taking good care of myself and making that a priority was placing me in a position that made me poorly prepared to serve. Obviously I know I should watch my weight and I've been doing that. I know I needed to quit smoking and I did that thanks to her Surrender 3 hypnosis MP3. But I never thought about taking care of my stress level as preparation for submitting. It makes sense. A stressed man's blood pressure is usually up. Stress definitely makes me irritable and it makes me less efficient at work. I need to more effectively deal with stress. I have to make time beginning tonight to listen to those relaxation MP3s and to plan out other things to reduce my stress, like getting up 30 minutes earlier each work day so the traffic is less on the way to work.

That one sentence tonight changed my attitude. I haven't yet found the woman I want to serve but when I do I want to be ready in every way. If I think of it that way, I'm more motivated. In a way it's like pleasing her ahead of time.

On Edge

I've been on edge this week worse than normal. I started a new job a few weeks ago and the stress has been hellacious. I have to travel more than they indicated during my interview and the classes I teach are twice as big as I was told. Teaching seminars may not sound like a difficult thing to do but for me it is getting that way.

I haven't had time to be hypnotized 1:1 even though I had the offer because the timing just never works out. I'm not complaining because I know it cannot be helped. I decided to start an intensive training program for my mind and made a list of MP3s to listen to and a schedule to follow. I've decided to listen to a relaxation MP3 and a submissive surrender MP3 every day this week and then evaluate my progress before moving on to the next level.

Today I would rate my stress level as an 7 since I am not at work (1-10, one no stress, 10 ready for a heart attack). I'll report my progress for those interested.

"Real" Submission

On her blog, Lady Julia has been speaking about the subject of "real" submission. I like how she thinks because she's reasonable and genuine. You know when you read her words that she has lived this.

There are some people who designate that people must do certain things or their submission isn't real. Usually this is a statement of arrogance because the writer is presenting a laundry list of things he is willing to do and then deeming anyone who won't measure up to his "standards" as not a submissive. We see people like this in every area of life. This person is no different than a religious person saying someone must live up to their standards or they are immoral and/or hellbound.

I read this on a web site and it made me think of Lady J.

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” - Anais Nin

I like this one too.

“True strength lies in submission which permits one to dedicate his life, through devotion, to something beyond himself.” - Henry Miller

Yours

"All my soul follows you, love encircles you and I live in being yours." - Robert Browning